We have all had the experience of carrying out smelly trash and putting it in the dumpster. In Texas where I live, a good part of our year the temperatures are 90 degrees and above so where we place our trash cans, can be a big deal. Who wants that bad smell penetrating their homes anyway?
Recently my sister sent me an article that she had received in one of her online devotional series. It was like WOW, one of the best I’d ever read. Perhaps the reason I reacted so “WOW” about it, was that I recently had an experience where someone came to my home, sat down, and with great emotion related a situation that had nothing to do with me. I realized too late that a guest came to my house and handed me their trash and I listened. My passive listening was nonverbal, “oh thank you for giving me your trash.” It wasn’t actual garbage, the kind that you carry to the dumpster, but I use it as a useful visualization that the writer of the article (by Amy Carroll, “I Believe This is Your Plate of Trash) used as a good word picture.
Smelly trash can come in different forms; one, it can be real trash that we need to take outside to the garbage dumpster, or it can be emotional trash that hurts, burdens, or comes in the form of gossip or situations that are negative about others. I get it that there are times when real negative issues must be deal with, discussed for resolution and healing, but the question always is, does a particular plate of trash that I, or you, are handing to someone else, involve them and can they fix the situation? If the issue is about ME, or I need correction in something, then yes, I will, by all means, receive your plate of trash, look at it, dissect it, maybe even smell it, if that’s what it takes for me to fix something I caused. At that point, I would also realize that it is not a plate of trash, but rather a needed confrontation that will bring healing if handled right.
Everyone is a bit different, and where we all tend to carry emotional baggage, how we handle it can vary greatly. There are volumes of books writing about personality types. Off subject a second; my favorite book on the subject is “Myers-Briggs” on the main 16 personality types; check it out- you’ll enjoy it! It explains that we all have a dominant personality trait. Face it; we are all different. If we tend to be intolerant, we don’t appreciate that others might see things differently than we do. The interesting fact is that we all see through a lens based on our personality and life experiences. There can be a zillion opinions on any given subject and let’s get real here; we all think our opinion is the right opinion. The truth is, opinions are just that; opinions. Truth is truth, facts are facts and opinions have nothing to do with either. Opinions come from that lens we each see thru and no lens is exactly alike. Furthermore, if you are involved in the professional world, then you’ll know the terminology EQ, EI & EIQ. That subject is for another days’ blog but long story short, it’s about emotional health or emotional state of being. If a person has a low EQ than they don’t usually deal well with conflict, or uncomfortable subjects. They might tend to withdraw or be aggressive and or, defensive. People with a low EQ tend to be “prideful know it all’s” or have a habit of spilling their emotions all over the place. Frankly, I sometimes wonder if that is most of the population, but…. moving back to the subject at hand I suggest to you that it might be useful to #1. Recognize what a plate of emotional trash IS. #2. Choose to stop taking our plate of trash to someone else’s door. #3. If someone tries to give us a plate of trash, don’t open up your hands to receive it; Rather lovingly, kindly, with hugs and kisses ( you get the point) tell them NO, reminding them it is THEIR plate of trash, and they can put it in the garbage dumpster, or take it back home with them. Again, I am a profound advocate to communicate for resolve and healing, but the ONLY thing any of us can resolve is our own stuff, or our part in that stuff.
Much damage has been done to people and relationships because someone sat there and received (listened to) someone’s plate of trash and lived life, as though it was a plate of truth and it was not, and rarely ever is. The sad fact is, plates of trash can end up at the church potluck dinner and get passed around and around, and before you know it, everyone believes the contents of what was on the plate. It’s a hard lesson to learn if your personality type is “to be a helper.” You might think it is helping someone else to be a good listener when, in fact, it is only concreting the lies they have fabricated or twisted in their minds. The sad truth is that when a person talks about their issues over and over again, it creates brain pathways (scientifically proven) to the point that they are now actually believing their own lies.
Just an FYI; every family, corporation, and circle of friends have issues and problems. I am not suggesting we all walk around like zombies pretending that they are not there. What I am suggesting is to deal with them, and let’s get on with living! Our purpose of resolve and healing must be paramount instead of spilling our emotions on everyone around us. Every time we “vent” to another person we are responsible for the fact that we may have just tainted someone’s opinion of a human being that, like it or not, God loves just as much as He loves you. I think we are all going to shocked when we stand before the Father someday and give account for every idle word that comes out of our mouth. Moreover, if you are one of those people that so pridefully think that you are not affected by what you see and hear, especially repeatedly, you are what the Bible calls, deceived.
Let’s stop handing our plate of trash to others, and equally, let’s not open our hands and receive anyone else’s plate of trash. They need to take care of their own, just like I need to take care of mine.
Matthew 12: 36-37 says “But I say unto you, that every idle word that man shall speak, they shall give account thereof on the day of Judgement, for by thy words thou shall be justified, and by thy words, thou shall be condemned.”
Have a happy, garbage free day.
Uniquely You 